When we’re learning a new skill, starting a new pursuit or job, or even a new relationship there’s distinct stages of learning. The earliest stage is the easiest to be motivated in. While there’s the initial nerves of starting something new, we quickly settle in.

This is accompanied by big leaps, often mastering the basics of anything is fairly achievable and makes us feel good about ourselves! We’re often motivated by this, and our engagement is high.

After this initial stage though, disengagement is likely to grow as progress slows. This is when, especially young people, are likely to feel like there’s something wrong, or that it’s not “for” them. But this is the most important moment for building resilience, and making a mistake can start a doom loop.

When young people hit these moments, especially in hobbies or sports, they’ll say “I’m bored” or “I don’t want to do this any more” and we leap in wanting to help them. But when we let them quit at this moment, we do far more harm than good.

When this disengagement moment kicks in, it’s almost always related to the increased discomfort of learning. As the novelty wears off, failure, discomfort and challenge become more prominent. This causes a re-evaluation of if we want to keep going.

If each time that occurs we stop, or change, our pursuit then what happens is that behaviour becomes reinforced. We become more likely to see that challenge as “bad”. As a result our tolerance for it becomes less and less, and each time it happens, it reinforces and our comfort zone shrinks, creating a doom loop.

Learning how to master a skill is a skill in itself. It takes practice, experience, resilience, determination and discipline. If we’re constantly shuffled from new hobby or challenge to new pursuit when young, we never build the foundations that we need to succeed.

The outcome of this will be that no job, no relationship, in fact anything we have to work for, will feel satisfying. We’ll have learned instead that something is only right when it’s “new”, and that this “new” feeling is what signals that it’s “right”.

There’s no way for anyone to find fulfilment in life, to find “their thing” or the “right person” or job if they don’t know how to fight for it, how to face challenge and discomfort and change.

To overcome Novelty Addiction is relatively simple, but requires courage, especially from parents and educators. To break these doom loops we have to guide young people through these moments where they hesitate in the face of challenge.

We need to help them understand that being challenged, failing and especially that process not always being enjoyable is normal. That it’s worth it to persevere and be determined because on the other side is growth and resilience.

But it is challenging to watch young people struggle, but it’s just as rewarding for us when they succeed, and they will. We get to be there for the moments that matter most, but we have to have a thick skin as well and not be afraid to challenge them.

Novelty Addiction can lead to a spiralling doom loop where our resilience diminishes, and where we never learn to master our lives. But it works the other way as well, by learning to face those moments where challenges emerge and things aren’t “new” anymore, we can become more resilient, more experienced and more whole as a person.